Self-Control or Control of Oneself

I remember the days when I was part of a group of guys whose main goal was talking to as many women as possible.  The topic never changed.  Girls, girls, girls.  My imagination raged and to be included within the comradery of gentlemen going any destination where girls were, excited me.  What do you expect from a boy who grew up without a male role model?  I gained guidance from women.  The instructions, ideals, and natural biases they projected, were my own.  If normal was ever an accepted way of defining a child, my process of understanding my own identity was not.  So, in the year, 2016, I turned 21 and started my discovery to fully embracing the person my perspective watched from.  The objective: to adopt the code of any brotherhood willing to allow my presence.

Sacramento, California was the stomping ground for the era I’d like to call, missing the point.  Most of time I obtained numbers from women I never contacted.  The clothes I wore outlined my entire ploy.  How I acted, in and around the dance floor, was pure focus and male hormones.  Honestly, it was fun.  Young men, like me, should practice socializing with people, especially the people that attract them.  It’s a skill I’m grateful to still have and use in many areas of my life.  What makes this act counterproductive though, is the same reason the recreational use of marijuana can potentially become dangerous.  Yes, I meant that.  Dangerous.

Balance is a universal mechanic of nature.  It can exist and cease to exist in many forms of matter.  Balance is positive.  Unbalance is seemingly neutral, but inevitably negative.  As humans, we can make two types of choices: the one that supports our survival and one that doesn’t.  However, as free individuals who live under a 21st century rule, we have a million, coming-of-age decisions to make.  Based on what we choose, we can either cultivate balance or unbalance.

These explanations and the discernment of my current mind this Monday evening, has introduced to myself the idea of reserving sexual activity until the next opportunity is one of meaning.  See, life for me right now, is a task.  Most, if not all, of my daily activities revolve around a goal.  When I think of meeting people now, it’s because I barely know anyone in Frankfurt.  This is unacceptable, as I must prioritize practicing my social skills.  I cook my own food now, so I’m always thinking about what I should pick up from the Rewe on my way home.  I must eat a certain way to maintain a healthy build.  I must plan content for the week to keep my fanbase engaged.  Bills!  Ultimately, in my opinion, it wouldn’t be of any quality class to include a woman on my list of things to be completed.  A woman is a person and as a man approaching 30 soon, I don’t want to develop a nature of viewing them like objects, after throwing myself at each woman I meet, only to please myself.  I want to respectfully possess the same ferocity for the future lady of my older ages.  That to me is class.

So, at this moment, I think my personal balance is more important.  More to come.

Love,

Raph